Sports Broadcasting Manual – Studio Analyst

August 14, 2008 in satire | Comments (0)

In order to appear as a studio analyst on Sportsnite, Baseball Today, Football Wrapup or any of the other 300 nightly highlight shows, the most essential skill is the ability to stretch one extremely basic idea into 5 minutes of fluff airtime in order to justify having a half-hour show to recap 5 games:

 

Message: Davis is a good hitter.

 

Delivery: You know, I tell you what, you talk about all the guys I’ve seen, Davis is one of the best…he can flat hit a baseball.  If he keeps on hitting the baseball like he’s capable of doing, he has a chance to become one of the great hitters in Major League Baseball.  I played with Davis for a few years and man, I tell you, what impressed me most was his ability to hit the baseball.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept on hitting baseballs for years to come.  He’s just playing really well for his club.  I am in love with him.   

 

[Note: add meaningless rankings and historical perspective for additional mileage (“He might be one of the five best hitters in the league right now…if he keeps it up, he could be considered one of the greats of all time.”)]                                                                                                                                                                                          

                                       


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