New! Manhattan Condominiums

June 27, 2008 in satire | Comments (0)


The Chestington

 Authentic British charm adjacent to the Department of Sanitation’s Waste Transfer Station.



Three Hundred Fifty-Six West One Hundred and Twenty-Ninth Street

 Good luck with the address labels.



The Burrita

 Spanish Harlem’s spiciest new luxury address.



170 CPFW

 Central Park Far West – a.k.a. the wasteland of bus depots surrounding the Lincoln Tunnel.



The Alexia

Currently embroiled in a lawsuit with Nissan over the name.



One Condo Place

Very skimpy marketing budget.



Tangent 4500

 Rent actually in the name (changes to Tangent 4585 on May 1st).



Madison Court by Seuss

 I do not want a courtyard view, no I don’t I’m feeling blue.



Venti Latte

Features a 24-hour onsite barista.



Bentley Place at Easthampton

 Amenities include a gym, laundry and mock trading floor.



Megadyne Factory

 Possibly a loft conversion, although there’s still smoke coming out of the smokestacks.



Heinz 57

 Midblock development on Heinz Street (next to The Lycopene).



Poopsmear by Starck

 Savant garde.



The Resolute

 Marketer’s thesaurus meets post-9/11 patriotism.



Suttone Towere

 The beste buildinge downtowne.

 Visit our Facebook page for more information.



The Boron

 Vaguely Swedish-sounding, actually just the last unclaimed square in the periodic table.


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